She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
