I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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