Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
