3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
either way he was missing a nipple.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Randomize
