Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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