the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Someone shattered a urinal.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
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