i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Randomize
