Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Randomize
