just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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