Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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