When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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