I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
