I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Randomize
