I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Randomize
