okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
You're like the curious george of whores
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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