Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
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