Can i not drive my cunt home
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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