I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
