Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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