I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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