Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
