If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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