Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
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