I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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