Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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