UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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