you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
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