why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
