i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
