i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
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