I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
The feeling are messing with the penis
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
