My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
