I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
