Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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