She is in my trunk
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
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