I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
