He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
