i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
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