the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
