Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Everything about him screamed your future.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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