true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
