ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
i need an iv and a liver transplant
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
