Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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