you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
