Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
