You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
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