when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
you mean i was at the winter classic?
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
