I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I feel like death gave me a hand job
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Randomize
