Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
