There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
