take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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