he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
