he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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