remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
