I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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