First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
