I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Randomize
