Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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