he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
