I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
