god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
