i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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