i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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