hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
