I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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