Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
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