Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Alive.
So much puke
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Randomize
