We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
