In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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