is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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