The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
He shit in the fireplace
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
