i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
