Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
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