The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." π ππ·
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
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