My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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