oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
