The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
