Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
You pole danced in your parka.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
