all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
