he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
