i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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