Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
Midget sex pt 2 tonight
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
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