somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
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It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
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When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
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