I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Randomize
