Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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