So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
