Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Randomize
