found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize